Danganstuck!
by MasteroftheMidnightYard
Summary: 20 main characters from Homestuck are trapped in Hope's Peak Academy and forced into a High School Life of Mutual Killing! AU, Dangan Ronpa world. Rated M for murder, naturally.
1. Prologue: Where am I?

**I do not own Homestuck or Dangan Ronpa. There. I said it. Get off of my ass. Especially you. Yeah, I'm lookin' right at you, dipshit. What are you staring at? You like what you see? Take a picture, it lasts longer. **

"Hmmm….huh? What? Where… Where am I?"

"Uh… oh. Well. This is certainly new."

"Ugh…Five more minutes, bro…"

"ARF! Wait… What is this place?"

"Oh! Where…"

-

"Zzzzzzzzzz…. Funkinh help… *fucking *hell"

"Huh. Whelp."

-

"BOLLOCKS! What… where the blazes…"

"WHAT. WHAT. WHAT IS THIS. WHAT THE FUCK. WHERE AM I. SOMEONE GET THEIR USELESS ASSES OVER HERE AND START SPEWING INFO BEFORE I START SPEWING RIGHTEOUS RETRIBUTION!"

"Oh! Is this a new adventure?"

"Huhhhh… what? Tinkerbull? Where are you?"

"What. The. Fuck. …Thit…"

"What? This isn't where…"

"Alright, I want to know who screwed up this time. I'm not angry, I just want to know."

"*sniff sniff* I SMELL FRAUD!"

"Fantastic. Just what I needed, more bullshit."

"Goshdarn it, where am I?"

"Heeeeeeehhhhhhh…."

"What… the actual fuck…"

"Ah! What is this place? Where am I?"

"Upupupu…"


	2. Chapter 1: In which many are introduced

_SMACK!_

"OW!"

"FUCK!"

The sound of two adolescent boys hitting the floor at the same time was the only sound that graced the dark hallway. Well, right after the echo of the previous gracing of profanity died away. Both boys, having been too distracted by the giant barriers on the windows, did not notice the other before it was, in fact, too late. Thus, everyone was hurt. And yes, both physically and egotistically.

"Can't you watch where you're going, idiot?" Said the light blonde one in the dark aviators. "It's a wonder you can, you've gotta have night vision to see with those glasses!" The other black-haired and spectacled, but normally shaded, boy replied. "Hey, man, don't disrespect the shades. Vintage. Once worn by Ben Stiller. Pure, unadulterated badass." The first boy stood up. "You, on the other hand, could clearly need some work on that look. And, by the looks of it, a good orthodontist as well."

"Hey! This "look" just so happens to be part of what keeps me on camera!" The second boy stood up, dusting himself off. "And you're one to talk! That retro-hipster style went out at least 5 years ago!" "Well, maybe I'm bringing it back, ever thought of that?" "Oh yeah, just like sexy?" "You a fan? 'Cause you know me so well!"

"Why would anyone be a fan of an egotistical dick like you?" 

"Why would anybody be a fan of a prepubescent-looking nerd like you? The world's a mystery, some things are never meant to be explained."

"Oh, you are such a jerk!"

"And you're a little smartass!"

"Bigheaded fuckface!"

"Bucktoothed shithead!"

...

"I'm John Egbert! Super High School Level Comedian!" He stuck out his hand. "Dave Strider, Super High School Level… Night Visionist." The other shook it. "Oh, you are not!" "Am too. I can see through anything blacker than Monty Python's sense of humor. …Wow that's one small junk you got there! "HEY!"

Dave laughed. "No, but seriously. Do you have any idea where we are?" "I don't know." John answered. "I was on my way to Hope's Peak Academy, but I think I passed out. Kind of embarrassing. But I woke up in an empty classroom. That's why I'm here, I decided to leave." Dave laughed. "Well, you got someone to share the embarrassment with, the exact same shit happened to me." He paused. "Did you get something about meeting at the gym by 8?" "Uh, yeah, I did. What about it?" John looked at his watch. "Oh crap! It's 7:59!"

"Oh, shit! We gotta run!" Dave grabbed John's arm ("Ouch! Watch it, that's the one I landed on!" "Move your ass, Egderp!" "You can let go, I'm capable of running myself!") and sprinted towards the end of the hallway. "Please let no one notice, please let no one notice, oh crap, oh crap, please let no one notice!"

_BAM!_

"BOO YAH!"

Both boys collapsed in the entrance to the gym, gasping for air. "We made it, bro. We fucking made it." John lifted up his watch. "Yeah, we did. Can you say skill or what?" "Total skill, dude. Total skill."

"If you're both done carpeting yourself in the only entrance to the room, we'd like you to join us. You won't mind, will you?"

Dave froze. "What is it, Dave?" John turned his head. "That voice… That annoying, smug voice… Oh, please tell me she's not here…"

"Glad to see you too, cousin dearest." A blonde girl with striking black lipstick leaned down. "Now, why don't you sit your little selves up, and we can talk about your abrupt, if not dramatic, entrance." "Oh hell no. I do NOT need you psychoanalyzing my every move AGAIN." Dave stood up. "I am not repeating last Christmas! Hell. On. Earth." "Oh, but I enjoyed it. You're a great test subject for character study."

John pulled himself up. "I'm sorry, but… Who is this, Dave?"

Dave sighed. "This, Egderp, is Rose Lalonde. My stupid, fucking cousin." "Really?" John turned towards the girl. "It's nice to meet you, I'm John!" Rose smiled. "Super High School Novelist, at your service." "Super High School Level Broad, more like…" "Was that remark caused by a sever dislike towards a related subject, or maybe some post-traumatic stress that warps your opinion towards my work?" "YOU'RE post-traumatic stress!"

It was then that John decided to wisely grab the twitching Dave's arm and drag him away. "Yeah, let's go meet some more people before you break that stoic look of yours. Intuition tells me that'd be bad." They both walked away from Rose, who was furiously writing in a small, purple notebook. Most likely notes on Dave. But that was behind them, for the best. Besides, it was better that the two just leave skid marks on the floor.

"Wow, I didn't think I'd witness a show like that since Karkles' latest fit!" A girl in dark red glasses cackled. "You sure know how to entertain!" The cane in her hand smacked down on John's head. "Ow! Um, excuse me, that's not very –" "Hmm. Your hair shape indicates that you gel it a lot, most likely for TV or cameras. Your face –" She leaned close to the face in question. "has several tape marks. You must wear one of those tiny microphones a lot. Your glasses are worn and taped in random places. You break them a lot, don't you? And you CLEARLY need a good orthodontist!" The girl turned away. "Your voice has a cheery edge to it, and your general disposition is that of someone who is used to cameras, like a talk show host or entertainer, someone who appreciates the brighter side of things…" Her cane whipped through the air, until it was inches away from John's face. "You're a comedian, aren't you?"

"Uh…" John stood, frozen. "Well?" The girl demanded. "Answer the question! Or are you too scared of the consequence? You should be, I'm not known for going easy." She grinned. "More scared of you…" Still shaking, John pushed the cane down. "But you're right, actually. How did you know?" "That's my specialty, of course!" The still-grinning girl swiped up her cane. "For, once again, The Super High School Level Legislacerator solves another mystery in the name of justice!" She cackled.

"Legislacerator isn't a word, Terezi." Someone shouted. Terezi brought down her cane. "Oh, what do you know? Mark my words, I'll make it one!" She sighed. "Super High School Level Detective's too mundane a title for me. Legislacerator, on the other hand, is perfectly acceptable! Wouldn't you agree, comedy boy?" "Uh…"

"Hey, go easy on the Egbert. He's fragile. Bruises like a summer breeze." Dave slung his arm around John. "Can't shock him too much, he'll start babbling in ancient comedy gold. The elder tongue, spoken when the best of men once had tongues as quick as silver itself." A smirk played on his lips. "You feel me, right?"

Terezi must have, she was in awe. "Woah… does my nose deceive me?" She leaned towards Dave. "Your laid-back sense of self, your retro-hipster look, and your aura of cool…" She leaned back. "I like you! To what name shall I address thee?"

"The name's Dave. I'm a- " "Let me guess! Super High School Level Coolkid!" "…Yes. Yes, that is absolutely correct. You guessed it." "Woah!"

"Don't go too overboard there, Redglare. You'll get sensory overload." The jazzy voice reached their ears again. "And besides, you don't want to scare the newcomers already, do you? We know what happened the LAST time." Terezi's eyes narrowed. "Oh… SHE'S here." "Who…" John looked confused. "The worst kind of villains, the dastardliest of criminals…" She turned to a tall girl with long, black hair and big glasses. "Spidergirl…"

"Oh, come on, Pyrope. I thought we'd gotten over that old rivalry already." The girl walked over, smirking. "We were young, we had fun! Don't you remember?" "You BLINDED me!" Terezi shouted. ("Woah, she's blind?" Dave muttered. "…Eh, I'd still hit it.") "Yeah, and you got me back with my arm. Prosthetic's aren't too comfortable, either." Spidergirl shifted her left arm, which John noticed was mechanical. "But enough reminiscing fond memories. Who're these two?"

"I'm John, and this is Dave!" John waved. Spidergirl turned. "Oh? Huh, I like this one." She walked over to him. "The name's Vriska. Vriska Serket. Super High School Level Good Luck. You look like my kind of nerd, kid." She tapped his glasses.

"Hey! You can't just call dibs on him, he bruises like a summer breeze!" Terezi looked pissed off. "Watch me, Redglare. This one's mine." Vriska slung her arm around John's neck. "Oh yeah? Well… I call Coolkid, then!" Terezi grabbed Dave's arm and pulled him over. "It's on, Mindfang. It's. On."

"Break it up, this is no place to fight. We've got bigger issues at hand." Someone pulled the two girls away from each other's faces, which had previously been inches away from each other. "For starters, have you seen Karkat anywhere?"

"Oh, it's just you, Kanaya." Terezi relaxed. "What's got you on edge? You lost your emergency sewing kit again?" "For once, that is not the case." Kanaya sighed. "But you should talk, I thought you two stopped fighting." "We did!" Vriska spoke up. "But, like I've always said, you can't keep a good rivalry in the pot for long. It's bound to spark back up, and the fun starts again!" "Well, it's time to put it back IN the pot, before things get out of hand again." Kanaya looked serious.

"Ugh, fine." Vriska's shoulders slumped as she turned. "But this isn't over, Redglare. Not by a long shot." "Bring it, Mindfang." Terezi's signature smirk appeared again. Vriska appeared to chuckle under her breath before sauntering away. "Hey! Super High School Level Zoologist! How 'bout another round?!" A small, wheelchair-bound boy screamed and started wheeling away. Terezi grimaced. "Poor Tavros…"

John and Dave stood in a similar confusion. "… Anyone mind telling me what the fuck just happened?" Dave finally spoke up. Kanaya turned. "Oh, those two have had a rivalry since they were small. It started out as just teasing banter, but then it escalated to a pretty dangerous level." She sighed, remembering. "Terezi ended up losing her sight, and Vriska lost her arm. We had to put a stop to it then, it was getting serious." "Eh, she was being a bitch, she was asking for it." Terezi dropped back in. "Oh, Dave, John, this is Kanaya Maryam. Super High School Level Fashion Designer!" Kanaya grinned. "Pleasure to meet you!"

"So, what brings you over here, Kan? You need justice?" Terezi picked up her cane. "As much as it'd be of help, I don't think that'd be best." Kanaya replied. "The problem is that I can't find Karkat anywhere! Have you seen him?" "No, as a matter of fact, I haven't…" Terezi's eyes narrowed. "Which is strange…. Where is he?"

_BAM!_

"ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP, SHITHEADS! I'VE GOT A HEAD FULL OF QUESTIONS AND MOUTH FULL OF BITCHING, SO SOMEONE HAD BETTER STEP UP AND TELL ME JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON BEFORE I START MAKING HEADS ROLL!"

"…Found him."

An undersized, fuming mass of teenager stormed through the previously slammed open gym doors, ready to set off at any given moment. "Karkat!" Kanaya rushed over. "Where have you been? I've been worried sick!" "I've been detained, that's what!" The one called Karkat muttered. "Someone better be ready, 'cause I'm about to cause righteous retribution to rain down on their pathetic ass! You hear me, you son of a- " "Karkat, is that dirt on your face? Did you trip again? Let me get that." "Ack, Kanaya! Get that handkerchief away from my face!"

"Aw. Somebody's embarrassed." Dave laughed. "Can't rain down anything now, huh pipsqueak?" "Hey, I don't see you doing anything!" Karkat retorted. "Why don't you get off your smug ass and do it, instead of watching me? Hey, didn't get any dirt there, Kanaya! Get off!"

"Wow." Dave was still laughing. "You sure are impressive. What are you, Super High School Level Midget?" "Director, asswipe!" Karkat shouted. "And, for your fucking information… Wait. Haven't I seen you before? Your stupid face looks WAY too familiar to forget." "Director? Oh, yeah, I remember you…"

(FLASHBACK MODE)

"And this year's Academy Award for Best Director goes to… Karkat Vantas!"

*fanfare music*

"Hello, yes. First of all, I would not, in no way possible, like to thank the Academy! What have they ever done for me?! I slave my ass away for a year and a half, and all I get is this stupid, naked, golden man holding a ball! Why is he even naked?! Who was high enough to come up with this, and what the fuck were they on? Just… Hey! You know what?! You! You in the third row! Yeah, the asshole who was booing me all they way up here! Take it! Take this stupid naked trophy! I don't care anymore!"

"Aw, sweet, I got a trophy!"

(END FLASHBACK MODE)

Dave smiled. "I still have that trophy, you know." "THAT WAS YOU?!"

"OH. EM. GEE. Do my ears deceive me?!"

Dave spun around. "Wha- Roxy?!" "It is you, Davee!" A mass of blonde holding a bottle crashed Dave and knocked him to the floor. "How you been?! I haven't seen you since last Christmas!" "Do not remind me…"

"Roxy, please, you're going to end up choking the poor boy! Oh, jiminy crickets…" A girl similar in looks to John managed to pry Roxy off of Dave. "Really, you NEED to stop drinking so early, it's only 8! Honestly!" "Aw, a little never hurt anyone, loosen up! Relax! You never have any fun!"

"Jane?! Is that you?!" John bounced over, having previously been preoccupied with Terezi examining him. "John?!" "It really is you! I haven't seen you in years!" The two leapt at each other. "It's so great to see you again! Hey, how's Dad holding up?" "Pretty well, cakes are still covering every inch of the house…" "You're exaggerating. But that does sound like him!"

"Yo, John. Who's the chick with the D36's?" Dave asked. ("AHH!") "Oh! This is Jane Crocker. She's my older sister!" John grinned. "I haven't seen her in forever; she's been on tour for so long!" "I'm a Super High School Level Baker. I've been away on shows for so long, I never get to see little Johnny here!" "Ack, don't pinch my cheeks!"

"That's cool and all, but how do you know Roxy?" Dave stared at his floored cousin. "And for that matter, what is she even doing here?! Please tell me she didn't let herself in here." "Nope!" Roxy sat up, a lopsided grin still on her face. "Super High School Level Hacker, yo! Got invited someplace for once!" Jane picked her up. "She broke her way into one of my showings, and, well, we hit it off. We've been friends ever since." Dave cursed under his breath. "Of course. You also managed to hack both of us into the Oscars that one time…"

"Oh, so THAT'S how you got in!" Karkat had managed to pry himself away from Kanaya. "And who the fuck are you, anyway?! No, wait, let me guess! Super High School Level Douchebag?!" "Close, oh so very close." Dave smirked. "The name's Dave Strider. Super High School Level AJ Tester." He pulled a box of apple juice out of his pocket, took a sip, and then threw it over his shoulder. "This AJ tastes like piss."

"You're a Super High School Level Musician and you know it."

Dave was not having a good day; his body froze up again. "Oh great. Two people who don't like me are here today. Fan-fucking-tastic. Just lovely..." "Haha, nice to see you to, lil' man." A boy in looks VERY similar to Dave's, but with longer hair and pointed anime shades, slung an arm around the former's shoulder. "Now, how's my little brother been doing? How long has it been, two weeks?" "Three weeks, bro. Three weeks." "Oh, really? Wow, time sure flies when you're havin' fun!"

"Does "fun" just so happen to translate into "Jake", by any chance?" Dave swatted his older brother's hand away. "Oi! Did someone say my name?" A bespectacled teen in boy howdy shorts and a skull shirt popped up close behind Dave's older brother. "Oh, hello Dave! Nice to see you again, eh?"

"You have a brother?" John giggled. Dave groaned in obvious annoyance. "John, meet Dirk. Dirk, meet John. There." He put his hands up in mock surrender. "Please do not pull anything, both of you, I've had enough to deal with." Dirk laughed. "Not yet, Dave. Not quite yet." He stuck his fingerless-gloved hand out to John. "Super High School Level Swordsman, at your service, can I recommend you to a good orthodontist?"

"Oh, don't say that, you've only just met him!" Jake laid a hand on Dirk's shoulder. "Act more like a gentleman, would you?" He smiled at John. "Hello, cousin John! Nice to see you again, old boy! Why, I haven't seen you since you were a little tyke, runnin' around in nothing but your undies! Long time since then, nice to see you're all grown up now! I say, do you still have that ol' stuffed bunny you used to sleep with? What was her name, Liv Tyler?" Dave nearly started choking, he was struggling to keep his laughter under his breath that hard. John, however, had turned a vibrant shade of crimson. "Nice to see you too, Jake. But whatever are you doing here…"

"Ah, well, they can't keep a Super High School Level Adventurer down for long, can they?" Jake pulled out a small handgun from the numerous pockets in his dark green vest, causing John to jump slightly. "Adventure is always out there, just waiting for Jake English to uncover its mystical secrets!" He laughed. "Although, Dirk likes to call me Super High School Level Hope…" He blushed. "Well, you are always going on about hope, man. But I like it. It's what makes you." Dirk slung a hand around Jake.

"They've been dating for the past two years." Dave whispered to an obviously confused John. "I'm surprised my bro hasn't popped the question yet." "Oh, that makes sense." John turned.

"John?!" An enthusiastic voice rang out. John spun around. "It is you!" A blurry, female form crashed into John, sending him to the floor. "I haven't seen you in forever! I'm so glad to see you in person again, I only got to see you on TV!" John looked dazed. "Wait a minute… Jade?!" A female teen with big glasses and an even bigger smile bounced off of him. "Yep! Super High School Level Genetic Botanist, at your service!"

Both stood up. "Wow, Jade! It's awesome you're here! Dave, this is my cousin, Jade Harley." John introduced. "Sup, lil' lady." Dave shook her hand. "Cousin of John's? Man, my heart goes out to you. Must be tough." Jade giggled. "Not too bad! He's just a bit of a dork. You learn to look past it." John groaned. "I'm not a dork, I just have different mannerisms!" "Oh please, John, the only person who's more of a dweeb than you is my brother!"

"Excuse me, Jade?" A hand tapped her shoulder. "Have you seen Sollux anywhere?" Jade turned around to meet the eyes of another girl in a tiara and goggles. "Uh, yes, actually. I think he's over with Aradia right now." She pointed to a boy in 3D sunglasses and an obvious lisp talking to a girl with long, wavy hair and cheery face. A dark figure in a long scarf and cape could be seen holding a gun behind them and glaring at Sollux. "Thanks, Jade!" The girl ran over to Sollux. "You're welcome, Feferi!" Jade waved. "That's Feferi Peixes. She's a Super High School Level Heiress. Apparently, she's the daughter of the head of some huge organization, she's practically royalty." She informed John and Dave. "That over there is Sollux Captor, Super High School Level Programmer, and Aradia Megido, Super High School Level Archaeologist." She giggled. "She's apparently discovered a few artifacts to a lost civilization. Cool, huh? The one with the gun is Eridan Ampora. Super High School Level Assassin. Do not upset Feferi around him, he will kill you then and there. He's pretty protective of her."

"Ack! Get off me, fucknut!" Everyone turned around to see Karkat swinging his arms wildly around while a figure was latched onto his waist. "Gamzee, I swear, let go of me, or I will de-toxify your stoned, clown ass with my fist!" "Aw, it's nice to see you too, Karbro."

Karkat threw himself onto the gym bleachers and pried himself loose. "Damn it, Gamzee, every time! How many pies did you even have today?!" A lopsided grin grew on Gamzee's face. "Oh, I dunno, there were so many motherfucking miracles, I couldn't keep track." He pulled out a horn, honking it. "Honk!"

"Fucking damn it…" Karkat hopped down from the bleachers. "Sometimes, I cannot believe you're a Super High School Level Crime Lord, you know that?!" ("That guy's a crime lord?" Dave mouthed.) He sighed. "Look, just get your juggalo ass over to that corner, and go bother that wheelchair'd guy you were smiling at earlier, okay? Here, take a Faygo!" Karkat pulled one from the bag around his shoulder. "Aw, thanks, best friend!"

SNAP!

The room went almost silent.

"Oh, fiddlesticks…" A tall, dark teen sighed, a bleacher railing in his hand. "Not again. Please excuse me, everyone. This always happens." He wiped his forehead, a wrench in his hand. "That's Equius Zahhak." Jade whispered. "Super High School Level Engineer. He's practically revolutionized the robotics branch of science, he's that good."

A giggle sounded. "Aw, Equius, don't be so rough!" A girl with a knitted hat of a cat face hopped down the bleachers. "Here, I'll help you put it back, okay?" "Why thank you, Nepeta. I could use some help." "Heehee, purrfect!"

Jade gasped. "Oh my gosh… That's Nepeta Leijon!" Dave made a sound that indicated confusion. "You don't know?!" Jade face him. "Nepeta Leijon's the best matchmaker in the world! Her divorce rates are 0%! She's even paired up celebrities before! Oh, she is the best!" Her eyes were shining. "She must be a Super High School Level Matchmaker!" "And you call me a dork!" John laughed. Jade hit his chest, her face flushed. "I'm just a fan of her work, that's all!"

"Alright, stop flirting you two." Dave interjected. "You two are cousins, that's only legal in Alabama. And besides, you seem to know everyone, Jade. Do you know where we are, by any chance?" Jade's head tilted to the side. "I think we're at Hope's Peak Academy. The question is what happened. I was walking in, and then I suddenly blacked out, then woke up in a classroom. It's been on my mind since." "That's weird. The same happened to Dave and I." John replied.

"So what we really should find out is who the hell is behind it." Dave said, his lips pursed together. "Someone's got to be, this isn't some orientation process, I can tell."

"That would be me!"

A figure jumped out from the front of the gymnasium, landing on a podium.

"Hello! I'm Lil' Cal! Welcome to Hope's Peak Academy, you assholes!"


End file.
